Random thoughts of the day...

• I need cameras. Video cameras. I need them following me around every day so that a.) people believe the insane stories I tell, and b.) I could at least capitalize off the crazy. I'd totally watch my reality show. Though...I'd probably not be shown in a very good light. Scratch that...I need NO cameras. Anywhere near me. Ever.
  
• Crap...still need to order checks.
• Why is it that when I don't need something..it's always in my way. And when I do need it, that same thing that was in my way 5 minutes ago is no longer there. It has fallen into the great abyss that swallows up things in my house. And it always happens on Sunday mornings. And it always causes me to practically cuss before church.
• Pastor Mike said we should demand things. I like that. I'm gonna start demanding more things. I know I'm taking it out of context...but...it sounds like a great idea. My first demand is cake. Lots of it. And that none of it makes me sick or fat.... mmmmmmmmm....cake....Next demand? No annoyances....ever. That one will be trickier than cake.
• Found this picture the other day...who the HECK gives a 5(?) year old a picture of Jesus for their birthday? Seriously. I love Jesus, and the love of him was cultivated from an early age, yes...but is it really necessary to give a small child a picture of Jesus to hang on their wall? He doesn't even look like that. It was probably some family member trying to be all "spiritual" and give me something my parent's would approve of. Whatever, skip that, Jesus lives in my heart, I wanted Strawberry Shortcake that year! Ironically...I still have that awesome wooden Jesus picture;)
  
• My cat looks awesome...and ridiculous...and he knows it.

Wanna know WHY he looks like Mufasa's groomer got ahold of him? See HERE

Safe

This evening we went to a birthday party at a public park that has a big water splashing feature. The kids were supposed to splash and play and generally burn off the excessive amounts of sugar they had just consumed. The park.was.packed. I mean PACKED. I wasn't really over there, cause...I just wasn't in the mood to get wet. As long as I saw my kids every few seconds, no one was bleeding and no one was crying, I was fine to let them play.

When we got in the car, Maebree immediately starts in on how bad all the kids were that were there (to be clear...she was not speaking about any of the kids that were part of the party!). She said she had a rough day of being pushed around. The other two chimed in on how kids were shoving and pushing and splashing water in everyone's faces. I never saw any of this go down, but apparently it happened when I wasn't looking. Not that I don't believe them, because I watched a few of "said" kids steal the big long bubble tubes right off our tables then proceed to start whacking people light saber style right in front of us. As they were telling me these story's, Em comments "I just wish DAD were there..he would've been all 'OH! You wanna shove MY kid? Yeah! You wanna piece of ME?' " Then Mae starts in with how dad would push all those kids back and would yell at them for shoving. They just started going back and forth about all the things "dad" would do to protect them from those bad kids. I just smiled. I'm so thankful that I have a husband that makes me feel safe, and also makes our kids feel safe. He doesn't care what others think, his main priority is to protect his girls. And it works, because when he's around, we all sleep a little better at night.

Today

Today, I woke with a sore throat. I thought, eh...allergies, no biggie. Coffee is usually the cure for such issues, but even that wasn't helping. Then Em woke up, surprisingly early for her (during the summer, anytime before 9:00 is early...today it was before before 7!). She had that look..the "I-dont-really-feel-well" look. She ended up eating half a poptart and crashing on the couch for another 2 hours. In the meantime, both other kids woke with similar issues. I hate this day already. Yesterday, Em came in to Russ and the following conversation arose:

Em: Hey dad!
Russ: Hey Sugs...
Em: *silence*...so...whatcha doin?
Russ: Just messing around on the computer. What are you doing?
Em: Well....something happened outside. It's not our fault, and we have NO idea how it happened.
Russ: What?

He went out to find a hole in the side of the pool. Yup. Our vinyl pool with a nice tear right in the side. Nice. So...on this day that I hate and would LOVE to ship kids outside to swim out some energy, they can't because a.) they are sick, and b.) there's a hole in the pool. I go to grab our cat and clean out his room (which is the downstairs half bath...commonly referred to as Vietnam since he's been staying in there)and feed and water him for the day. He is locked in his room for the moment due to his obsessive eating holes in carpets issues. Obsessive. He just chews and chews til you can see wood. What is with us and holes in stuff? Geez...anyway, Max is a clever cat and if I'm not Jonny-on-the-spot with his food, he will just help himself, climbing the shelves til he knocks it allover the place and he can feast on a grand buffet. He coincidentally also drinks from the toilet. And opens doors. And plays fetch on a whim. Well...he helped himself to his grand buffet and invited about a bajillion tiny little brown ants to join him. Yup. I hate this day. He doesn't groom himself, and he is a BEAST of a cat last time weighing in at 18 pounds, so I go to pick him up and notice that not only a.) does he have mats covering his entire body (maybe THIS is why he's eating carpet..he's ticked his hair is being pulled) and b.) that there are ants crawling all around in his hair. It was as if he was John the Baptists cat living in the dessert letting bugs crawl all up in his dreds. Yup. I hate this day. Called the groomer, $45 and an interesting cross between awesome and ridiculous, I have an almost hairless cat. She kept his main, and the tip of his tail, and his "boots". He's been fully manscaped and he loves it. The groomer tells me she's sure he has thyroid issues or has diabetes as he's "half the cat he was the last time he was there". I came home and weighed him just to be sure. He's 16 pounds...I'm positive the other 2 pounds was hair. Lord....that's the LAST thing I need is some cat I have to give shots to.

So, my kids start feeling better as they have been obnoxiously antsy due to laying around and being cooped up all day. The cat is clean and manscaped and apparently has to visit the vet to have his thyroid and diabetes checked. The dog is fine...for once. My house is still a complete wreck as apparently a tornado of clothes and toys and old shredded bills and junk are laying allover the place. I have an incredibly packed weekend/week and I still feel like complete junk. But on the upside...my husband took all of us sicky/sore throat girls to enjoy a nice dish of lemon ice cream from The Dairy Bar.....but that also meant I blew my diet. Again. I hate this day.

Funny Maebree Story

I should make a completely separate page for this category, because it is daily that I have a Maebree story. I will run into people that I haven't' seen for years, but via the wonderful social network Facebook, she seems to be known worldwide. Or at least state wide. She's for sure known town wide as the goofy Houston kid, and on a daily basis, I'm stopped and asked for a funny Maebree story. I can never think of one off the cuff, even though she whips out funny stuff on a minute to minute basis. Stinkin' mommy brain. So I figured I better do a better job of documenting. Here's a little something she came up with over the weekend.

My baby sister got married Saturday. I don't even know how that is possible because in my mind she is still a 10-year-old goofy kid with glasses, big teeth, and an even bigger smile. But alas, she is not 10, she is 24, and apparently it is legal for her to get married. We were in a mad rush to get to the church to get ready. I thought ahead and got myself ready before we left knowing my family and that I would need to help with hair, makeup, etc. So the girls were pretty much left to themselves. I just told them to throw some clothes on and they could change in their dresses at the church. Mae picked not one thing that matched, but since our only stop on the way was Wal-Mart, (and I knew in that particular attire she would fit right in there) I didn't worry about it. I'm in a tizzy of hairspray and eyeliner when I holler to Faith to go ahead and help her sister get her dress on. This was the conversation that took place shortly after:


Faith: UUUhh.....MOM?
Me: (said through a comb stuck in my teeth) Yeah?
Faith: Did you pack Mae some underwear?
Me: No....no I did not. I packed her dress, shoes, and that is all.
Faith: Um....then we have a problem.
Me: Please don't tell me that she peed her pants. I really dont' think that I can handle her peeing her pants at this particular moment.
Faith: Ok...I won't tell you she peed her pants...because she didn't pee her pants. She just is not wearing any underwear. At all.
Me: Nice. Maebree WHY did you not put underwear on when you changed!?
Mae: (hands on her hips) Mom....seriouswy....I was wearing two pairs of shorts. I don't need unerwear! Pyus.....I counin't find any.
Me: Nice.....where is my phone? (dial up Russ...he answers) Honey? Have you left yet....cause your daughter decided to show up to the church not wearing any underwear. And she's going to be in a dress. And it spins. And you know how MUCH she likes to spin. And there isn't even any pull-ups here that I can steal.
Russ: Nice.

We eventually did get her in some underwear...and she did spin like a mad woman in that dress. Hopefully soon I will have pictures to show!

Random thought of the day....

• Chances are if you are a parent, and you have to leave an ENTIRE cart of groceries at a store because your kid is running around like crazy, opening and trying on all the lipsticks and nail polishes, breaking stuff, and generally being a nuisance to society.....you need to rethink your discipline options. I'm not saying beat the kid...but...maybe you should try something. Anything. Gently speaking in calm tones and begging the kid to obey you isn't gonna cut it. I'm just saying.
• Crap...still gotta order some checks.
  
• Donuts should not be allowed in my house. Especially on days that I am weak and had to deal with bratty children running up and down the aisle at Target screaming and breaking nail polishes while I was trying to pick out my dog food. But it sure tasted good goin' down....
• I seriously say "seriously" way to much...it's evident in Maebree's speech. Everything starts with "Seriouswy Mom...." followed by at least 10 more "seriouswies" in the same sentence. But dang it's cute.
  

Lifeguards are awesome

Because I know that all anyone care's about is the new little guy in our lives, I will throw up a quick pick of his big self (taken with my phone...sorry for the quality) My sister in law is a tinsy little thing, so the fact that her hand looks gigantic next to his little monkey nugget shows how tinsy he is. He's so stinkin cute and it was everything I could do to not grab him out of that incubator thing and just snuggle him to pieces. But I've already been yelled at by one NICU nurse up there, I decided that I best not get in trouble again. Seriously...who WOULDN'T turn to look at a crying baby in a bed next to them? A heartless lump of coal...that's who. Apparently that's against the rules...I think from then on she gave me the stink eye. I will instruct Ethan to leave her a really nice surprise in his diaper the next time I'm up there.

Anyway, it has been a crazy week with babies and weddings and all, so us girls decided to just take the kids to the pool and have a nice float down the lazy river. Only....the lazy river was more like a congested and blocked colon due to the MASSIVE amounts of park district delinquents that decided to interfere with our relaxation time. I think I heard more whistles being blown by lifeguards than I ever did in my life. Relaxing it was not. I took Maebree up to the top of one of the intertube slides, and the poor cute little lifeguard girl up there was just doing her best to keep the chaos to a bare minimum. She was hoarse from yelling at kids all day. I asked her how many times she had to repeat the same threat/order and then I asked her how fun was it s to be able to do so. It was in that moment that it dawned on me....next year...I am going to become certified to become a lifeguard. It is their job...dare I say their DUTY to do nothing but yell at bratty kids all day long. They hold all the power with one blow of their whistle. They can take fun away from those dang kids with one little breath. "YOU! Delinquent splashing all the kids! OUTTA THE WATER!" "OH...wanna butt in line? Guess what buddy....YOUR DONE! No intertube for you!" "Wanna get lippy? MMMMk......banned from the pool for life!"

Sigh....lifeguards are awesome and I want to be one when I grow up.

Random thoughs of the day...

My random thought for today? I.Hate.People. Not really.....but kind of.

Wal-Mart paint guy? Yep..your general lack of people skills and droning on and on about paint annoyed me. I just want my paint mixed...the color I asked for...the quality I asked for. Done.

Old people in your jazzies at Wal-Mart? TOTALLY on my list. Next time you butt in front of me after I've waited to speak with an overpaid/undertrained sales associate, there is a good chance I will go ballistic on you, throwing a huge ol hissy fit right in the middle of the store causing you to be all sorts of flustered, shaking your head and grumbling about "young people these days". Just cause your old and I must respect you as an elder, doesn't mean you reserve the right to be rude. Please go back home and watch your taped copies of "Young and the Useless" and let me go on with my day. (no joke..this happened TWICE while I was there!)

AT&T guy...you fixed my internet and didn't charge me...your great. Sales lady I talked to on the phone afterward to (for the 1 millionth time) to fix my bill...yet again....you were on my list til you ended the phone call with "God-Bless you". I'm pretty sure you weren't allowed to do that, but I appreciate it.

My new 3 pound 3 oz nephew? You gave me a fluffy moment when I heard you let your momma hold you for over an hour and feed you....keep up the good work buddy. Not on my list....

Farm Girls

We spent a day at Russ's dads. I really wanted a picture of him, Russ and the girls. Then I proceeded to just take pictures like a crazy woman. The result was the following:

I have a picture of myself at her age, in a tree, posing the same way. She looks WAY cooler as I am not a mean mother and did not cut all her hair off and give her a perm a la Orphan Annie. One of many of my mother's passive aggressive punishments.

Who else has hair that blows freely in the wind like hers and still looks like she came out of a Breck commercial (and who even still knows what Breck is?) I'm pretty sure she has dreads under that main as it hadn't been brushed for days. She doesn't care...she likes it wild and free.

MmmmmHmmm....Get on it girl! Did you expect any OTHER pose from my sassy pants? I said "Mae! Stand by this tree. Give me a good pose...look like your a cool lady!" This is what I got. I'll take it.

Random thoughts of the day...

I'm gonna try something that might help me blog on a more regular basis...I have at least 20 random thoughts in a day, some are worth sharing, others not so much. They may be mine, they might be stuff my kids said..and I might do this once and never again. Here's today's:

• Does anyone else take 45 minutes to pick out a box of checks? There is a lot of pressure involved with this. I mean...I don't use them a lot anymore, but my checks say a lot about me as a person. I can't do some girly flowery junk, otherwise the next time my husband has to pay for something with a check at the fire station....hmmm.....that would actually be funny. I won't do anything with a Christian symbol on it, cause lets face it....I might be in a bad mood that day. AAAAND I don't like apologizing..."Sorry clerk. Don't be hatin' on God cause I'm PMSing" I don't want to go too simple like "metropolitan design" or anything 'cause that's boring. I still haven't picked out my checks.
• How MANY Free Willy movies are they going to make before they realize the first one was extremely LAME! Though that last one has Bindi Irwin in it...and all my fellow Joel McHale fans say WHAT?!
  
• At some point this week....laundry should've been higher on my list of priorities. I'm pretty sure the body of John Gotti is hidden underneath this pile.
  

Welcome back dear friends.....

Dear Lord...it's late. Like 10:30 at night, I'm exhausted, and I'm waiting on five little kids to fall asleep so that I can crash myself. That's right, I said five. My nephews are spending the night while their momma and daddy are staying at the hospital to ensure my new little nephew doesn't make an entrance into the world too soon. It's been way to long since I've blogged. I've wanted to for so long and have been so behind on editing that I feel guilty about not working on that. So I haven't. And I honestly have been grouchy about things and don't want to get on here and be nasty about life..cause I know people want funny...not crabby. Just to catch you all up on some bullet points of what's gone down in the last few months (for all five of you out there who still may read:)

• The house didn't sell. We took it off the market at the end of May. Just couldn't do it anymore. God shut SOOOOO many doors, it was ridiculously obvious we were not to continue with that sign in our yard at this point. Neither of us feel that release to go ahead and start ripping out floors and adding an addition, in fact...we both religiously check the Realtor sights for the newest house out there...and folks..there aint much out there. So....here we are. We will re-arrange some things so that we can have a family room...mainly because I want to be a part of my family when they are playing or watching a movie and I know longer want to be stuck in a little room all by myself alone with my computer. I can at least be stuck in a corner in the same area as all of them. And we are taking a trip to Florida...that was my contingency plan..house doesn't sell..Screw it...I'm goin' to Florida. I think I might make some t-shirts that say that. I'd make millions considering the current housing market.
  
• I turned 32. It was amazing..not really. I had to rush my sister to the ER due to her losing control and feeling of her left side...she was later diagnosed with MS...but she's awesome and is doing great. She regained her strength and is working on keeping it so it won't happen again.
  
• Emmy turned 8. She spent her birthday at the hospital with Aunt Didi....for my BIGGEST complainer...she never once had an attitude or was nasty about the fact that we canceled her party and still haven't done anything for it. She's awesome.
• Business.Is.Booming. At one point recently, I actually had 3 shoots scheduled in one day. It was pure insanity. I am sitting on five I need to edit right now. But...I'm sure they would appreciate that I am not editing at 11:00 at night. Those would NOT be good pics. I've booked almost all Saturdays through October as of right now. Yeah...wow...
• Dizziness is back. It's hits me at strange times. Considering everything that went down with Diana, I saw a neurologist. He was a complete jerk, and the only thing that saved him in that appointment was the fact that he looked like the tall creepy Asian dude from Lost that made all the orientation videos. That and that alone kept me from punching him in the face. The good news is, it is nothing "big" i.e. MS, cancer, tumor, etc. Bad news is....I have no idea what it is. It's purely frustrating and I should've left happy that it wasn't any of the bad things. But...I'll just keep attempting to rule out/in what I know causes it. Right now it seems to be caused by the following: Standing, sitting, walking, breathing, singing, taking a shower, swimming, exercising, eating, looking at the computer, going to church, grocery store, walking the dog, sitting on my porch, taking a drink, doing the dishes, hugging my kids, laying in bed, watching t.v, drinking a cup of coffee etc. So....guess I have my work cut out for me on the elimination front. So far I've been able to eliminate........baking?
  

Well....the kids seem to be sleeping...and given the fact that I believe my nephews are early risers, I might want to head to bed myself. Dear God in Heaven...please don't let them wake at 5:00....I am pretty sure I will be twitching in an corner by noon if that were the case! I promise to try and be a better blogger.