Petsmart Tramp

My dog is growing at a rate that is quite insane. He is now 60 pounds. And technically wouldn't be 4 months old until tomorrow as he was born on October 30. Did you read the part where he is 60 pounds and 4 monhts old? Don't get me wrong...I.LOVE.IT. I can't wait til he is this MASSIVE beast of a dog who just lays around and is goofy. What am I saying..he already lays around and is goofy. But I can't wait til he is 200 pounds and laying around and goofy.

He outgrew his collar, almost while wearing it. I have a regular collar for him and we use a choke trainer for walking and training and such. I have always used a metal choker collar and have trained many a dog. When we had the infamous HUNTER (that post still brings tears to my eyes), it became evident that in order to walk him properly, we would need a prong collar. His neck was so thick and powerful, we literally watched a collar shatter from around his neck when he caught scent of a squirrel. We do not mistreat our animals, and it was only used for training purposes. We tried the "Gentle Leader", "Halter", and a regular choke chain and he would either choke himself half to death, doing all kinds of damage I'm SURE to his trachea, or flop around like an idiot on the road we were trying to walk on (yes....I tried it several several several times). And dragging an 80-pound lab was not an option. So we tried the prong...and guess what...it worked like a charm. A two-year-old could walk that dog with no problems. He didn't pull, he walked next to us, listened to us, and was the MOST obedient dog while attached to it.

Recently I discovered that if Moses wants to go somewhere on a walk...he's gonna go there. If he stops suddenly, my shoulder is rapidly jerked out of place (maybe THAT'S why it's hurting...hmmm). He's also realized that he can start trotting ahead of me as well. I am a firm believer in doing what works with a dog. And if your going to have a large and powerful breed of a dog, you better train them, and train them well. I know that he isn't going to hurt anyone and his butt is just too big for him to be able to jump off the ground, but someone else doesn't. I need control over him. His neck and head AT four months is the size of a large in collar size. Did you hear me? HIS NECK IS A LARGE! All his weight is in his chest, head and neck (this is setting up my conversation. Bear with me) So I went to Petsmart and I bought a prong collar (with the plastic guards in order to not hurt his skin). I get to the checkout and here's how things went down:

Checkout Tramp: Psh....I hate these collars.
Me: Uh...excuse me?
CT: They just seem so inhumane.
Me: Hhhmm.....well.....I have a large dog. He is 60 pounds. And four months old. And he pulls and I want to keep control of him. I would say that inhumane would be for me to NOT train him and NOT have control over him and have him hurt me or someone else by NOT being trained properly.
CT: Oh...you need to buy one of those harnesses. That will help.
Me: Um. Apparently you don't watch Cesar Millan aka: my hero. What do they use on sled dogs my friend? Harnesses. Harness are for pulling. All of his 60 pounds is in his neck and chest...and pulling is what I'm trying to avoid. I don't WANT him to pull.
CT: I've never had a problem with a harness. I find it hard to believe it wouldn't work.
Me: (In my mind) Well your an idiot that thinks that dogs SHOULD rule the world you commi-liberal freak. (Actually said) Yeah.....Uh....did you not hear me when I said he was four months old? And 60 pounds. He will probably top out at close to 200, so I'm trying to get him good and trained now. Caaaause...he's big.
CT: Well....what kind of dog is he anyway?
Me: A Mastiff.
CT: Oh. Well...I'm glad to see you are at least purchasing the guards. We have an excellent return policy if you change your mind.
Me: (in my mind) What....the...hello kitty tramp? (Actually said) Thanks. This should be good.



So.....in summary: Perhaps if you work at a business that sells something you don't agree with you shouldn't work at that business. I realize that not everyone is a responsible dog owner. I realize that people mistreat their animals with different tools that are created to help them. I would NEEEEVVVER leave this collar on him for any time OTHER than simply to walk him. We live in the country and I do NOT want anything to happen to him OR to me or Russ or one of the kids if he decides to use his weight against us. He literally is the best animal we have ever owned, and I want to keep it that way. He is unleashed while on our property so he can roam and run and play all he wants (long as we are there to supervise him), but when we go off property, he needs to be controlled. Just the other day, our neighbors dog started charging towards us (I hadn't bought the collar yet, he just had the leash slip tied around his neck) and he stood between me and that dog and his hair started up along his back and he growled deeply like I had never heard. I quickly was able to snap him out of it (the dog meant no harm, he was just excited) but what if he had been bigger? At four months old, he is already VERY protective of us, and I love that, but I want it to be controlled. My poor gramma (the one who thinks "tweet" and "text" are interchangeable) is already nervous about the fact that we got such a big creature, I can't be having him misbehave around her or I'll never hear the end of it:)

So....here is the mistreated animal Petsmart tramp. He plays fetch with basketballs instead of tennis balls.

It requires two children to hold him WITH his "evil'" collar (yes...he comes up to Maebrees chest)

And he chews on leftover cedar fence posts for fun.

Poor dog. He's so mistreated.

The Mom War

****warning*******this post is probably gonna peeve (really to be honest, I'm thinkin' of the other word...but as I have to think about it in order to type it...I am holding back;) a lot of people off. And I'm totally ok with that. Totally. Cause it's my blog, and it's my opinion, and if Bobby Brown can have a prerogative, so can I.

I was trying to find some answers from the great Cesar Millan regarding my puppy's recent food aggression issues and I came across THIS CLIP. It is PROOF that you can apply some of the same principles from Cesar that you do for your kids! *note...I don't promote South Park or watch it...ease up people..it's funy** I often times joke that I'm gonna write a book on parenting. Not that I think I'm this amazing parent or anything, but more of a funny, satirical look on all the stupid things that people (ESPECIALLY first timer/newbie parents..myself included) do. Like....for example...The t.v. totally babysits my kids sometimes. When I need something done or I want to hit them where it hurts or I want to just simply take a shower without the company of tattling or other kids jumping in....On it goes. I said I wouldn't do that. I also said I was only gonna feed my kids vegetables and they weren't allowed to eat fast food and they wouldn't be sleeping in my bed when they first came home and that changed the minute I found out that I turn into a nutso zombie freak after zero minutes of sleep. The thing that really disappoints me the most about myself is that I was so uptight about my grandpa visiting when Faith was first born. He was a smoker. A serious smoker. He and my stepgramma arrived the day Faith was born, and they stayed at my parents for the whole week. Now, don't get me wrong, I know how dangerous even a little second hand smoke is to a newborn and I would to this day never let someone smoke in front of them. But I was just so uptight and almost ridiculous because I didn't even want him to hold her (though I did) knowing that he would transfer the smell of smoke on her. I hid in the backroom when we were there with her pretending that she was nursing. He died 8 short months after that visit of emphysema and that was the last time I saw him. I just think if I had known then that was the last time I would see him, that I wouldn't have been so uptight. I wouldn't have hid in my moms bedroom so that I wouldn't have to have them want to hold her. I don't think he even knew that's what I was doing, but I did. I should've soaked up that week as if I KNEW it was the last time I would see him. Clothes can be washed, babies can be bathed...but I will never have any more memories of my grandpa, and I wish I would've been more relaxed that week with him.

So onto what everyone else does that annoys me. Since I've proven in the past that bullets are my friends, I will break it down in bullet point. Most of these refer to those first time parents, some not so much. Enjoy:

• The "Organic" movement. I'm all for eating healthy. I'm all for a balanced diet. Half of the year, I try and follow one. The other half is usually drowned in a cake-drunken state and that's probably where all my grouchiness is derived from...hence this particular blog post. I get grouchy when I'm on the sauce...and by the sauce...I mean sugar. But when people get all nuts and "I'm ONLY feeding my family organic food" when it costs $8.25 for a loaf of bread but complains that they can't make their house payment, it tends to annoy me. And while I'm on it, really.....how do you KNOW it's organic? I have news...if it comes in a jar or a bag or is sitting on a grocery shelf...it' ain't organic. Cause in order for it to have shelf life...it has to have some preservative to hold it there. Wanna buy from a local farmers market or grow your own food (something we plan on doing this year) GO FOR IT! I applaud you. But please...dear God PLEASE don't start wearing Birkenstocks and hemp clothing and spout the evils of Walmart or Meijer cause I just don't wanna hear it.
  
• Epidurals. Seriously. This and my next bullet point is SUUUUCH a controversial subject with the likes of those newbie moms. Let me just start off saying: I had all three of my kids "au natural" and without the use of an epidural, pain meds, whatever. Ok...I'm sorry..."technically"(I was actually informed of this by someone) it wasn't "natural" as I had my water broke by a midwife with all three of my kids and side note: I felt every "natural" bone of their little "natural" heads coming OUT of my "natural" body. Two of the three times, I had a "natural" baby sitting my my "natural" intestinal track keeping me from being able to "naturally" relieve myself. My bags of water are like titanium steal and in order for things to move along healthily...breaking the water was necessary. I'm like a birthing warrior and if anyone else has the nerve to tell me that I didn't have them "naturally" again I will honestly tell them to kiss MY "naturally" white rear and go shave their legs. So....I'm all for a a woman wanting to birth without the use of drugs. I will tell my story when asked for it, and I will support ANYONE who wants my support regarding having a natural childbirth. It was THE most empowering thing I have ever done...but...you will not hear me spouting my birth stories (and I have stories...let me tell you) allover the internet or facebook or to whomever doesn't really care to hear it, and here is why: Not everyone has babies this way. I will never forget what the worlds most amazing midwife told me: "Whatever you have to do to have a healthy baby is what you need to do" including and not limited to: Epidurals, pain meds, screaming, cussing, biting, praying, cutting, scraping, chastising your spouse, ...whatever is necessary. I will use my sister as an example. She was recently diagnosed with MS, and stressful situations can/will send her into an episode or an exacerbation of her condition. Guess what? Yeah, childbirth tends to be a bit stressful. So she will be ordering an epidural at the door, and that is totally fine (fyi...she is not pregnant so lets NOT start that rumor). And you know what else? Even if she didn't and was 100% the picture of health and statue and STILL ordered an epidural at the door....more power to her. In fact, I only know of a couple people (my cousin is even more of a birthing warrior than me considering she delivered almost 11 pounds of rolling thunder naturally) who have NOT had an epidural, and they had healthy, happy, bouncing beautiful babies and they should not be looked down upon for making a choice that lead them to that outcome.
  
• Breastfeeding. Holy.freakin.cow. Aren't moms supposed to band together and help each other out? Are we not supposed to support other new or not so new moms and navigate those unsure roads of motherhood and all the crazy things that go with it together? When did we (and of course I do NOT mean me..cause I would never do this..ha...;) turn into such "witches" (again..I mean the other word cause lets face it...) regarding how another mom chooses to feed their baby? Unless of course they are choosing to feed their baby with alcohol or something equally negative, then by all means...get judgy. What really irritates me is when people who DO breastfeed have to shove it in your face...like..."Yeah...I'm sitting on a bench in the middle of Walmart and I'm gonna whip it out and feed my kid and its natural so just watch me and DEAL with it." Or my favorite "I don't ask you to eat in the bathroom, so don't ask my baby" First of all: Yes...breastfeeding is natural and the best way to feed your baby if at all possible. Again...I did it with all three of my girls. I loved the nursing experience, I did. And yes...It is natural. So is conceiving a baby and we don't do that in public. Urinating is also natural, but we have doors on bathrooms for a reason. I'm not talking about a woman who has one of those new fangled cover-ups (why do they make all this cool stuff after I have kids?) and discreetly nurses their unruly or hungry baby. I'm talking about those woman who INSIST that they show everyone their amazing (or in most cases..NOT amazing) new mommy tatas in order to spark controversy. I cannot tell you the amount of times I had to go and hunt down an empty dressing room in order to nurse one of my kids. I don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable. That's just how I roll because I think we've established what an amazing person I am. But while were on the same subject....if a woman decides not to breastfeed, why do we feel the need to chastise her and make her feel like she is making a horrible mistake? Really? It's been established that breastfeeding is best. No one is debating that here. But some woman simply can't do it, either because its a physical issue, or an emotional issue, or simply because *gasp.horror.SHOCK* they don't want to. What? Yes. They have other things going on in their lives and breast feeding is just something that they choose NOT to do in order to make things easier on them as a mom. AAAAaaaand it's totally fine, because THE most important thing is that THAT baby needs is adequate nutrition and a mom that is not crazy.
  
• Working Moms vs. Stay-at-home moms. I've been both, and they both suck at times. No joke. Currently...I AM both. I work FROM home, and it probably sucks the most. This is why I can't wait for my book to get published and go #1 on the NY Times best seller list so I can sit at home and eat bon-bons and make up new cake recipes and only take the pictures that I want to take. I don't wanna hear all your sad stories about how hard it is, they both are hard. Suck it up, pray about it, and decide what you REALLY want and go with it. If you have to work, you have to work. Make the best of your time with your kids and don't feel guilty about it. If you don't and you choose to make the sacrifice of staying home with your kids, do it. It IS a sacrifice, make no mistake, but don't judge another woman because she has to make the same sacrifice on the flip side.
• Home school vs. Public school vs. Private school: I've personally experienced all three. And all three have there ups and downs. I'm not gonna go into details because really, it's between you and God what you choose to do. I pray that we make the right decisions from year to year, and with the way things are going in the world, I will NEVER say I wouldn't do any of those three. Currently we are in an excellent community with an excellent public school system, but if I feel I need to pull my kids out and homeschool them, I'm gonna be open and do it. For the record, I don't feel that currently and the thought of it IS pretty terrifying, but as the title of my book says..."Parenting Ain't for *Wussies*...with a P" (title subject to change)

I think I've adequately offended plenty of people so I'm gonna stop here. Just remember, the next time you think you should make your opinion regarding one of these difficult choices made by mothers EVER DAY, just shut up. Keep your opinion to yourself cause chances are, you weren't asked for it. Remember that life is not black and white. You don't know what's going on in someone else's world, so don't make judgments for them. THEY will stand before God regarding the choices they made for their kids, NOT you. Live your life as an example. A successful life with God-fearing, happy, healthy children should be all the argument you need.

Presidents Day

I can't wait to throw up some finished pics of my house. Were close....so close I can almost TASTE it. Literally....as in drywall dust. Bleck. Soon....soon and very soon.

Russ and I don't celebrate Valentines day. We used to, back in the day when we had money and no kids and a house payment that was cheaper than most peoples car payments. He bought me jewelry (said he bought me all the jewelry he ever had to in our first year of marriage. Ha! Sucker.) But then kids came and the realization that really...its a stupid holiday and just another excuse for kids to get jacked up on sugar at school. Or for the card and flower companies to take over our lives. But we would usually still use the opportunity to have a night out to ourselves without kids. You kno, hit dinner and a movie, typical stuff. When he started on the fire department, his schedule didn't always allow for us to go out on actual Valentines day (which...really...is a SUPER large pain in the butt if you ask me). A couple years ago we went out on the next day we could which HAPPENED to be President's day. And it hit us: This is WAY funner. NO crowds. Half-priced chocolate. Restaurants to ourselves (which lets face it....neither of us are crowd/people fans). So the tradition began.

This year, my sister graciously offered to take the kids early so we could enjoy a day together. I thought I would fill you in on what a day date for a couple who have been married for close to 14 years (together 15) looks like. Enjoy.

• Dropped the kids off at moms at about 2, got out of there about 2:30.
• Headed to Prairie land feeds to buy dog food. We have a frequent buyer program for Moses's dog food. He's a beast. Looked for a new collar cause I almost had to cut his old one off his big 'ol neck. Didn't have one big enough/small enough (he's not an xtra large. yet)
• Neither of us ate lunch, so we were starving. All I wanted was steak. A GOOD steak. Cooked by people who knew how to cook steak. Decided The Ribeye was in order. I was under the impression they opened at 4.
  
• Drove past, realized it was indeed 4:30 when they opened. Crap. Hit ReStore to look for some more home improvement/Pinterest projects. (Pinterest...for those who don't know...is another website that takes over lives. My gramma would be so disappointed.) Found a door for our bathroom.
  
• Went BACK to The Ribeye. It is now 4:20. This is where things.got.crazy. We pulled in the parking lot and there were already several cars there. Three of them had people unloading wheelchairs and walkers. I'm not joking. We walk in to a crowded waiting area and realize that we are INDEED younger than everyone in there's GRANDCHILDREN. The hostess looked at us and I swear the conversation in her mind was "What the HECK are two insanely amazing and trendy young people like YOU doing in a place like this at this hour" (I did buy a new super cute sweater and did my hair). We got seated and had to fight a few wheelchairs for the salad bar. At one point a 350 pound woman in a wheelchair started choking on her bread and for a minute, my husband was afraid he would have to intervene and perform some firefighter like duties. I reminded him he would get the honor of "Fire fighter of the Year". He said he didn't want it that way. I said it would give me some amazing bragging rights at my HS reunion. We agreed to disagree and the lady drank some water and was fine. My steak...as an fyi....was amazing. I know of NO other place that you can order a well-done steak (shut up you gaspers and lovers of raw meat. I prefer to eat my food when it has STOPPED bleeding thanks very much) and cut it with a fork. Is the Ribeye an amazing, beautifully decorated, trendy, and fabulous place to spend a Monday night? Nope. It's not. I just told someone today that I am at the point in my life that a good, well cooked meal beats out fabulous decor any day of the week. And...it was a delicious meal. As we were leaving the parking lot, it started getting busy with a bustle of a less old crowd. Russ made the comment that it was a good thing we were leaving now, he just couldn't handle that loud, whipper snapper crowd.
  
• What's the next romantic place we went you ask? Well...we have 3.5 acres now, and all we have is a push mower. So to Lowes we went. I mean.....come on. It COULD'VE been Menards. But we made it special and *little* classier. Decided I looked pretty dang good on a riding mower. He wouldn't let me get the one with the reclining seat. Whatevs.
  
• After Lowe's, we hit Slumberland to check out a new bed for our room as ours is too big. The one we wanted was no longer on sale.
  
• Off to the mall. We went to the Sleep Number store to see what all the fuss was about with those beds. Russ was unimpressed. The lady sold me hook-line-and-sinker. Coincidentally, I am a 45. He's a 75.
• Macy's was interesting. After a disgusting ride on an escalator (have you ever looked down at those? seriously...clean them a couple times a year...bleck) we scoped out the upstairs home section, did a little dream shopping, I hit the bathroom, and then we decided that was all the mall we wanted to take in.
  
• We had walked most of our food off and were in the mood for dessert. We didn't want ice cream, and didn't really want to hit any of the Prospect restaurants, so when you think "baked goods" where do YOU think of going? That's right people. Perkins is where its AT! We sat, the waiter came and asked us for our drink order (We only ordered water) and I mentioned we should've hit The Courier. Russ asked if we should just go. I felt bad for the waiter. You see..its a Monday night. And there was one OTHER couple in the restaurant who was probably over 55 and I just wanted the poor guy to make his rent that month (as if my $2 tip would help). I said no....lets stay. Perkins was perfect for the ambiance for the rest of the night. The Courier was just TOO trendy a place for us to go at this point.....I'm in it for a good story, and I have become rather accustomed to eating with my senior citizen crowd. Almost no one was choking at this restaurant. So we stayed. My pie was freezer burnt, and Russ finished his mediocre brownie in like two seconds. Probably should've hit Courier.
  
• Hit the gas station to fill up the truck. Decided we should head home and feed the beast. He had been cooped in a cage most of the day.
• Waited for mom and Di to bring the girls home, made out a little (yes...people who have been married for close to 14 years SHOULD make out a little every now and then) put my fat pants on, and watched a little tv.

Now...ask me if I was disappointed in any of that? Cause my answer is a resounding no. We had a blast cause at the end of the day, we got to spend one-on-one time with each other when we RARELY get to. And after all this time, we CAN have fun eating dinner with senior citizens and pretending to ride lawn mowers at Lowes. He can still make me giggle and makes my heart flutter, and we just have loads of fun together cause he's my BFF:) I think the moral of this story is that people put too much emphasis on the perfect setting and the perfect place and really what matters is having the perfect person for you sitting across the table from you deciding on whether or not your going to have to give someone the Heimlich.