The Mom War

****warning*******this post is probably gonna peeve (really to be honest, I'm thinkin' of the other word...but as I have to think about it in order to type it...I am holding back;) a lot of people off. And I'm totally ok with that. Totally. Cause it's my blog, and it's my opinion, and if Bobby Brown can have a prerogative, so can I.

I was trying to find some answers from the great Cesar Millan regarding my puppy's recent food aggression issues and I came across THIS CLIP. It is PROOF that you can apply some of the same principles from Cesar that you do for your kids! *note...I don't promote South Park or watch it...ease up people..it's funy** I often times joke that I'm gonna write a book on parenting. Not that I think I'm this amazing parent or anything, but more of a funny, satirical look on all the stupid things that people (ESPECIALLY first timer/newbie parents..myself included) do. Like....for example...The t.v. totally babysits my kids sometimes. When I need something done or I want to hit them where it hurts or I want to just simply take a shower without the company of tattling or other kids jumping in....On it goes. I said I wouldn't do that. I also said I was only gonna feed my kids vegetables and they weren't allowed to eat fast food and they wouldn't be sleeping in my bed when they first came home and that changed the minute I found out that I turn into a nutso zombie freak after zero minutes of sleep. The thing that really disappoints me the most about myself is that I was so uptight about my grandpa visiting when Faith was first born. He was a smoker. A serious smoker. He and my stepgramma arrived the day Faith was born, and they stayed at my parents for the whole week. Now, don't get me wrong, I know how dangerous even a little second hand smoke is to a newborn and I would to this day never let someone smoke in front of them. But I was just so uptight and almost ridiculous because I didn't even want him to hold her (though I did) knowing that he would transfer the smell of smoke on her. I hid in the backroom when we were there with her pretending that she was nursing. He died 8 short months after that visit of emphysema and that was the last time I saw him. I just think if I had known then that was the last time I would see him, that I wouldn't have been so uptight. I wouldn't have hid in my moms bedroom so that I wouldn't have to have them want to hold her. I don't think he even knew that's what I was doing, but I did. I should've soaked up that week as if I KNEW it was the last time I would see him. Clothes can be washed, babies can be bathed...but I will never have any more memories of my grandpa, and I wish I would've been more relaxed that week with him.

So onto what everyone else does that annoys me. Since I've proven in the past that bullets are my friends, I will break it down in bullet point. Most of these refer to those first time parents, some not so much. Enjoy:

• The "Organic" movement. I'm all for eating healthy. I'm all for a balanced diet. Half of the year, I try and follow one. The other half is usually drowned in a cake-drunken state and that's probably where all my grouchiness is derived from...hence this particular blog post. I get grouchy when I'm on the sauce...and by the sauce...I mean sugar. But when people get all nuts and "I'm ONLY feeding my family organic food" when it costs $8.25 for a loaf of bread but complains that they can't make their house payment, it tends to annoy me. And while I'm on it, really.....how do you KNOW it's organic? I have news...if it comes in a jar or a bag or is sitting on a grocery shelf...it' ain't organic. Cause in order for it to have shelf life...it has to have some preservative to hold it there. Wanna buy from a local farmers market or grow your own food (something we plan on doing this year) GO FOR IT! I applaud you. But please...dear God PLEASE don't start wearing Birkenstocks and hemp clothing and spout the evils of Walmart or Meijer cause I just don't wanna hear it.
  
• Epidurals. Seriously. This and my next bullet point is SUUUUCH a controversial subject with the likes of those newbie moms. Let me just start off saying: I had all three of my kids "au natural" and without the use of an epidural, pain meds, whatever. Ok...I'm sorry..."technically"(I was actually informed of this by someone) it wasn't "natural" as I had my water broke by a midwife with all three of my kids and side note: I felt every "natural" bone of their little "natural" heads coming OUT of my "natural" body. Two of the three times, I had a "natural" baby sitting my my "natural" intestinal track keeping me from being able to "naturally" relieve myself. My bags of water are like titanium steal and in order for things to move along healthily...breaking the water was necessary. I'm like a birthing warrior and if anyone else has the nerve to tell me that I didn't have them "naturally" again I will honestly tell them to kiss MY "naturally" white rear and go shave their legs. So....I'm all for a a woman wanting to birth without the use of drugs. I will tell my story when asked for it, and I will support ANYONE who wants my support regarding having a natural childbirth. It was THE most empowering thing I have ever done...but...you will not hear me spouting my birth stories (and I have stories...let me tell you) allover the internet or facebook or to whomever doesn't really care to hear it, and here is why: Not everyone has babies this way. I will never forget what the worlds most amazing midwife told me: "Whatever you have to do to have a healthy baby is what you need to do" including and not limited to: Epidurals, pain meds, screaming, cussing, biting, praying, cutting, scraping, chastising your spouse, ...whatever is necessary. I will use my sister as an example. She was recently diagnosed with MS, and stressful situations can/will send her into an episode or an exacerbation of her condition. Guess what? Yeah, childbirth tends to be a bit stressful. So she will be ordering an epidural at the door, and that is totally fine (fyi...she is not pregnant so lets NOT start that rumor). And you know what else? Even if she didn't and was 100% the picture of health and statue and STILL ordered an epidural at the door....more power to her. In fact, I only know of a couple people (my cousin is even more of a birthing warrior than me considering she delivered almost 11 pounds of rolling thunder naturally) who have NOT had an epidural, and they had healthy, happy, bouncing beautiful babies and they should not be looked down upon for making a choice that lead them to that outcome.
  
• Breastfeeding. Holy.freakin.cow. Aren't moms supposed to band together and help each other out? Are we not supposed to support other new or not so new moms and navigate those unsure roads of motherhood and all the crazy things that go with it together? When did we (and of course I do NOT mean me..cause I would never do this..ha...;) turn into such "witches" (again..I mean the other word cause lets face it...) regarding how another mom chooses to feed their baby? Unless of course they are choosing to feed their baby with alcohol or something equally negative, then by all means...get judgy. What really irritates me is when people who DO breastfeed have to shove it in your face...like..."Yeah...I'm sitting on a bench in the middle of Walmart and I'm gonna whip it out and feed my kid and its natural so just watch me and DEAL with it." Or my favorite "I don't ask you to eat in the bathroom, so don't ask my baby" First of all: Yes...breastfeeding is natural and the best way to feed your baby if at all possible. Again...I did it with all three of my girls. I loved the nursing experience, I did. And yes...It is natural. So is conceiving a baby and we don't do that in public. Urinating is also natural, but we have doors on bathrooms for a reason. I'm not talking about a woman who has one of those new fangled cover-ups (why do they make all this cool stuff after I have kids?) and discreetly nurses their unruly or hungry baby. I'm talking about those woman who INSIST that they show everyone their amazing (or in most cases..NOT amazing) new mommy tatas in order to spark controversy. I cannot tell you the amount of times I had to go and hunt down an empty dressing room in order to nurse one of my kids. I don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable. That's just how I roll because I think we've established what an amazing person I am. But while were on the same subject....if a woman decides not to breastfeed, why do we feel the need to chastise her and make her feel like she is making a horrible mistake? Really? It's been established that breastfeeding is best. No one is debating that here. But some woman simply can't do it, either because its a physical issue, or an emotional issue, or simply because *gasp.horror.SHOCK* they don't want to. What? Yes. They have other things going on in their lives and breast feeding is just something that they choose NOT to do in order to make things easier on them as a mom. AAAAaaaand it's totally fine, because THE most important thing is that THAT baby needs is adequate nutrition and a mom that is not crazy.
  
• Working Moms vs. Stay-at-home moms. I've been both, and they both suck at times. No joke. Currently...I AM both. I work FROM home, and it probably sucks the most. This is why I can't wait for my book to get published and go #1 on the NY Times best seller list so I can sit at home and eat bon-bons and make up new cake recipes and only take the pictures that I want to take. I don't wanna hear all your sad stories about how hard it is, they both are hard. Suck it up, pray about it, and decide what you REALLY want and go with it. If you have to work, you have to work. Make the best of your time with your kids and don't feel guilty about it. If you don't and you choose to make the sacrifice of staying home with your kids, do it. It IS a sacrifice, make no mistake, but don't judge another woman because she has to make the same sacrifice on the flip side.
• Home school vs. Public school vs. Private school: I've personally experienced all three. And all three have there ups and downs. I'm not gonna go into details because really, it's between you and God what you choose to do. I pray that we make the right decisions from year to year, and with the way things are going in the world, I will NEVER say I wouldn't do any of those three. Currently we are in an excellent community with an excellent public school system, but if I feel I need to pull my kids out and homeschool them, I'm gonna be open and do it. For the record, I don't feel that currently and the thought of it IS pretty terrifying, but as the title of my book says..."Parenting Ain't for *Wussies*...with a P" (title subject to change)

I think I've adequately offended plenty of people so I'm gonna stop here. Just remember, the next time you think you should make your opinion regarding one of these difficult choices made by mothers EVER DAY, just shut up. Keep your opinion to yourself cause chances are, you weren't asked for it. Remember that life is not black and white. You don't know what's going on in someone else's world, so don't make judgments for them. THEY will stand before God regarding the choices they made for their kids, NOT you. Live your life as an example. A successful life with God-fearing, happy, healthy children should be all the argument you need.