No...it's not the hair color

I get asked almost daily by people who know me how the dizziness is "going". It's really a funny way to put it.."hows the dizziness going" as if I'm building a house, or making a craft, or attempting to accomplish something. And my response (as I'm a firm believer in positive confession) is typically (if caught on a good day) "can't wait for the manifestation of my actual healing". The reality is that I struggle with it on a daily basis. Daily.Basis. Not that vertigo, room spinning, I'm gonna throw up or I can't do heights (though...I can't do heights) kind of dizziness. It's more like when your under water and your holding your breath and its' that moment of "crap I better get air now or I'm gonna drown" kind of dizziness. I feel short of breath and sweaty and creepy. It's so awesome (sarcasm drip drip). My favorite response from people is "well...you ARE blonde". OMG and Wow. Amazing. That is information I was not aware of. I mean...here I thought I was paying my hairdresser to make my hair purple. Dang. She is so fired. And the blond jokes..really? I had a stranger come up to me as I was leaving a baseball game and ask me if he could tell me the funniest blond joke I ever heard. I told him no. His drunk-off-her-butt date said SHE wanted to hear it so I got to hear it anyway. Jerk. Coincidentally...it was not funny.

Another question is "have you seen anyone, like a doctor, about it?" Usually that gets a huge laughter response from me. Um...yeah. Just a few. No one can fix me. I got some relief through the chiropractor (go see my cuz...he is AMAZING!), and should be going more regularly, but nothing has "fixed" it. I saw a neurologist cause they thought it would be wise due to Diana's recent diagnoses of MS. He was a complete...er....butt. And that's being nice. There was a language barrier to begin with, so that immediately frustrated me. I couldn't understand half of what was said, and the other half he said with such a condescending smile that I wanted to throw up allover him. He kept saying "MOOOST women come in here and think "AH...I have MS..I'm so dizzy, my arm is numb" and they just don't have MS". Ok..that exchange didn't go over...you have to hear it in my head because I hear it with an accent and if I typed it like he said it...I would end up on some government watch list and probably would be arrested for a hate crime. He ended the very brief visit with "Well...it's not a tumor, it's not MS, not cancer. It's nothing big, so I don't have answers for you". It was at that point that I took a page out of my mentor, Jack Bauer's book and jumped out of my seat, grabbed him by the back of the head and repeatedly slammed it into the computer desk over and over. Then I ran to the door, threw my coupon for Rosetta Stone at him and pulled the fire alarm thus evacuating his practice. Ok...almost none of that is true, but it did go down like that in my head. I did leave in tears of frustration over the fact that I am not even sure he looked at my file or my MRI and once again...I don't have anything to tell all the people that ask on a daily basis if I'm still dizzy.

So.....square one. Still there. I deal with it. There are things that I can't do that is frustrating (ie singing, talking for more than 10 minutes at a time, etc). But...I have the assurance that "it's nothing big" from an esteemed neurologist at Carle Clinic...so...I should be comforted by that right? Right. And next time you see me...please....refrain from the blond jokes. I've heard them all. And they are not funny.