Dear Me 6 Months Ago

Dear Me 6 months ago,

Put....the butter....down. You see, it's not worth it. Neither is the bag of chocolate you are holding in your other hand. Or the pan of brownies baking in the oven. Yes....they are good and comforting and in these trying times of moving and packing and thinking of all that needs to be done in the next four months, but don't let your waiste line perish. I've seen the future...and it ain't pretty. Your fat pants don't even fit you anymore and Spring will come early with 80-degree days before March is even over and you will have zero things to wear.

I know this love affair with butter, chocolate, and cake (sometimes with all three at once) seems like it's a good thing, but in the end, it is not. Because you will eventually get tired of it. You're stubborn and will refuse to go and buy something that actually fits, so instead, you will live your days in your sweats and old sports bras and the husbands t-shirts. He can eat a pan of brownies, gain 30-40 pounds and drop it like its hot whenever he wants, but you my dear....do not have that luxury. It will drive you crazy those first few weeks of fasting sugar. You will even feel like mini-chocolate chips are keeping your family safe from you becoming a homicidal maniac. It will be amazing to see all the variety of ways you use them. But you will eventually grow tired of those too and will crave something more.

So stop...do yourself in six months a favor and don't do it. Maintain your healthy lifestyle by eating mostly good stuff and only splurging once a week. The site of your neck alone (think Kimora Lee Simmons at her highest pregnancy weight.....*shiver*) will be enough to want to make an appointment with the nearest plastic surgeon to get the fat sucked out of everything everywhere. And you just don't have the funds for that. It is not acceptable to break out the maternity clothes as you are indeed NOT pregnant (in case that rumor was circulating), even though you weigh what you did 6 months into the last one. Don't do it. You'll thank yourself in six months for keeping with it.